Couple of months ago I'm boppin' through Harvard Square (my chick of the time liked those things called "books" and I was freakin' shoppin'), and this curly-headed asshole in a $5,000 suit starts hailing me from his Mercedes Benz. "Hey!" he shouts. "HEY!" I know the dick wants directions, but he's treating me like I'm his freakin' servant. I straighten out my Donegal flat cap and saunter up to the douche. "Yessss?" I say. "Could you please tell me where so-and-so is?" he asks. Impatiently. Downright oozing with "entitlement". I pretend to poke my peepers into his Merc. "Dude," I say. "You own a high-end Mercedes and you don't have GPS?" "It's not working right now," he says. "Well," I say. "Get it fixed." I pause while he looks at me with this ridiculously expectant simper on his lips. "I might tell you - if you give me 500 bucks," I say. He turns away in disgust, half laughing almost. I shrug and tell him, "I may be a bad businessman, but it ain't like I'm your Faithful Family Retainer. But it's all good. You don't have to pay if the price is too high." Then I lean over. "Of course," I say, "you could always outsource asking your directions to, like, China or India or some such place. I mean," I say, leaning in toward the dick ever closer, "Aren't they smarter and harder-workin' than American chumps like me?" I pull my head away from the driver's side while the guy glances at his wife and hurriedly starts rolling up the window. I get in one last shot, "What are you gonna do, dude? Get out and beat me to death with your riding crop?" I send this banker-like asshole on his merry way thus-wise. Good riddance. Ever after that, I've been researching how to separate Mercedes hood ornaments from their vehicles. Like, what should I use - a bolt-cutter maybe, my bare hands sheathed in a pair of work gloves? I don't know yet, but I really like the idea of staging a raid on some $100 a day parking garage in downtown Beantown and reaping a crop of upside-down peace signs that I can, like, string together and sell on Ebay. What y'all say to that?